Self-belief and the independent artist. It’s easy enough to grasp the concept of self-belief, but practically applying it in my life is another thing completely. I am grateful that I have a lot of people in my circle that believe in me and give me positive reinforcement, which I think is just as important.
I have been grinding as an independent hip hop artist for around 6 years. Like actively pursuing a career. I believe in the music I make, even if I often have doubts about myself.
This blog is all about self-belief, the inner critic, positive reinforcement and the hope that music gives.
No doubt we are all feeling the effects of lockdown, one way or another. One positive thing is that there is a shitload of time to be productive.. especially for us creatives. I know that when I am working on music, in whatever form, I am right where I’m meant to be.
Lockdown bars have been helping me through.. although I have an inner critic that won’t be silenced.
If I’m not working on a song, a beat, a mix or whatever, my inner critic is on my back. Maybe it’s because I feel I could be doing more and I’m not reaching my full potential.
The same restlessness and obsession drives me to keep pushing. I am wired that way. I feel it in my work as well #Primstrims.
A lot of the time it’s not a positive thing though. More like a punishing thing I guess. This thing pushing me to prove my worth. And if I do prove my worth on that day, I have permission to relax. I know I am not alone in these thoughts and feelings, but that doesn’t make them any less fucked.
So where does self-belief fit into this narrative? I guess in theory it is closely linked to self-love and being gentle on yourself. Prim taking care of Prim.
It’s easy to see it in someone else when they are being hard on themselves.. and it’s easy for me to believe in others as well… why are we so hard on ourselves?
I feel I am getting a little heavy into the insight but I do want to share something that happened tonight.
I received a notification on my phone about someone commenting on STFU on YouTube something like:
Your melody is shit, you look like a fagg in your salmon jacket. You squint when you rap, are you trying to be Chinese.
I think YouTube censored the comment because I couldn’t reply to it or anything. That crushed me though. That one comment set my critic off. This comment from some random dude was the evidence my inner critic was waiting for. Evidence that it wasn’t good enough ya know?
I told Angel and she’s like:
“You know they say when you’ve got haters, you’ve made it.”
What a legend.
Ok, well this has been cathartic as fuck. My take aways from this is to be gentle on yourself.
My inner critic is always going to be there.. one mistake away from running me into the ground. As a creative putting out original content, part of your soul goes into the ether when that shit is released. Feedback is important, honest feedback.. just don’t be a hater to be a hater ya know.
Also to treat yourself kindly. I’ve always struggled with this self-care stuff. For me and my music though, I believe that I am destined for greatness.. whatever that looks like.
Much love to all you beautiful people reading my blog and following the journey.